


Toska

by starryvagabond



Series: Marvel Shipping Games 2014 Bonus Rounds [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-18 00:18:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2328374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryvagabond/pseuds/starryvagabond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They long for each other. He can't remember why and she's wasting her time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Toska

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kuailong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuailong/gifts).



> Written for the Second Bonus Round (Emotions) of the Marvel Shipping Games 2014, for dreamwidth user kuailong. The prompt was "Bucky/Natasha: Toska - longing with nothing to long for. Deep spiritual anguish". Unbeta'd, written in an hour. Enjoy.

Bucky longs for her.  
  
He isn't sure why, really. He doesn't know who she is, or what her priorities are. All he knows is that she speaks the Mother Tongue, moves with the grace and care of a studied dancer, and stares at him like she knows something. Something he obviously does not.  
  
Still, he longs for her; wonders what it would feel like to stroke her fair red hair or inhale the scent of her shampoo.  
  
Something deep inside him tells him he already knows.   
  
He wishes she would confront him, like Steve had, and tell him _who she was_. And why, every time he sees her, he feels this deep sense of loss.  
  
-  
  
Natasha longs for him.  
  
Not in the way a woman usually longs for a man. She longs for an idea: a mere concept that had been dismantled and put together so many times by now that it is misshapen and confusing.   
  
She knew him once. Long ago, back before he became HYDRA's precious and most valuable weapon. He taught her everything she knew, from battle tactics to behind closed doors.   
  
But that isn't why she longs for him.  
  
It's those whispered words between stolen kisses she will never hear again, or the way he made her feel like no other man had before or since (and she's tried -- god _damn_ she's tried) and she just misses him.  
  
But there's nothing there to miss.  
  
James is nothing more than a pleasant dream. The Winter Soldier is the hollow shell. He looks like James, sounds like James, moves, fights, and bears his same scars.   
  
But he is not him. He never will be. Natasha knows this.  
  
It hurts down to her very core, festers inside her heart.   
  
_Я не ребенок..._ *  
  
And in the comfort of her bedroom, she cries.  
  
-  
  
To watch them fight each other is like watching two dancers. They counter each and every move perfectly: on the downbeat she dodges his attempt to pin her to the ground, with the crescendo he leaps out of the way of her well-placed roundhouse kick, and for the big finish, they come together in a clash for dominance which leaves them both scathed.   
  
Nursing their wounds finds neither of them any less in anguish: Bucky to remember and Natasha to forget.

**Author's Note:**

> *I am not a child...


End file.
